The Death Experience
Does anyone have it "right"?
A recent exchange of comments between another writer and viewer left me wondering if I’m overly sensitive or just have a different perception because of my particular circumstances, conditions and upbringing.
“I’m so glad you’ve spoken to this. I have little patience for euphemisms when it comes to death. Death is something we all experience. I can’t stand phrases like “crossing the rainbow bridge” and “passing away.” Saying the words death and die and dying is honest and clean. Sugarcoating doesn’t make death different.
Oh, I forgot about “crossing the rainbow bridge.” Ick. I hate that one”
Initially, I was going to add to the comments that were unfolding. Then, something nudged me to write a little post. Elizabeth Gilbert, in her book “The Big Magic,” talks about ideas and how they’re floating around in the universe, just waiting for someone to grab hold and run with it.
I decided to run with it. Why? Why not:
try and raise awareness or present another view about “euphemisms”.
remind myself to remain mindful of my choice of words.
show how different level of healing may play out for another individual walking through a grieving process
just state that for me, “crossing the rainbow bridge” is much more than a simple, irrelevant, not worth considering “euphemism.”
I have written in the past about my husband’s “death and dying”. What I didn’t include was this snippet:
On October 25, 2018, as we were getting ready to go out for a “lunch date” Don fell backwards into our garage and landed on the concrete floor. I can still hear the crack of his skull. I can still see the blood start to pool. I can still hear myself screaming. So that too is a day forever etched into my memory.
The full Post is here and one of the sub-headings is Crossing the Rainbow Bridge.
I’m known for making references to things like “the rainbow bridge”, and “transitioning”, and “passing”. There are others, but the point is that we all walk through our life experiences “Perfectly on Time” in every given moment. It would be an even stranger world if every one of us lived and experienced life identically. What works for me may not work for others, but perhaps I can practice being mindful about the words I use to make a point or express an opinion.
While something definitely “struck a nerve” when I first read the exchange of comments, I also fairly quickly realized I had been given a gift and opportunity to look more closely at what the “next little piece of my soul” needs to heal and move beyond.
Not sugar-coating the death experience is probably perfect for some. Not necessarily for others. Perhaps it just speaks to that idea of “different strokes for different folks”.
I know my story in the Earth school continues to evolve and unfold. What’s new is this sensation that my heart seems to be opening wider and wider. Add to that an overabundance of empathy, and I’m sometimes left with the question, “What on earth is wrong with our world?” And whoosh! The next thought enters.
Marilyn Elizabeth Joyce Thom, you don’t have all the answers! Is it time to consider that each human-suit currently occupying space here on the “Pale Blue Dot” is entitled to their interpretation of what grieving looks and feels like? It’s quite likely that each human-suit is “Perfectly on Time” in expressing ALL of their opinions and interpretations.
An Unexpected Mystic recently shared a post that reached deep into my heart and soul and has left me with the hope that we can practice extending a level of energetic love that seems to be missing in our world. The Plowshare Prayer is powerful beyond words and has become part of my morning routine.
Having taken a few minutes to re-read my post from October 2023, I found myself with the same sense of peace and comfort in knowing that on that day, just as on this day, I remain “Perfectly on Time.”
So, from where I sit today I write from an open heart space to reach out to anyone who may be in this journey of grief and sadness - whether it’s a new, in-between, or longer ago loss I’m extending a “heart-to-heart” hug with an assurance that:
you are not alone
there are no rules
there are no mistakes
you are free to speak, write, cry, rage, and then use clear, descriptive words OR euphemisms
this is YOUR process and your heart and soul will heal and then break and then heal and then break again and again
in one “Perfectly on Time” moment you may realize you’ve just had an entire hour or two without remembering
in another “Perfectly on Time” moment you may find yourself right in the middle of a routine kind of day or event and suddenly find yourself weeping uncontrollably
And - one day (never to be pre-determined), you will suddenly realize that you CAN continue and you WILL continue because your story is not yet finished.
I’ve been practicing teaching others about “heart-to-heart” hugs this year. It has been both a surprise and a delight to receive a multitude of positive responses. I encourage you to give it a try because it’s very simple. First - ask permission (not everyone is open to a hug). If it’s okay just hug from the left side of your body to the left side of the body of the one you’re hugging. You may be surprised at the effect.
Very thoughtful words and beautifully written, as always, Marilyn! It is a fascinating development of our current "me me social media me" culture that everyone seems to feel that they have to have a contrary opinion to s-o-m-e-t-h-i-n-g. My take-away from your words - grieving is hard for everyone - let's support each other in our differences. Let's let everyone grieve as they choose using the words and the ways they choose. Peace and hugz!
Your “open heart space” encompasses so much wisdom, understanding, and acceptance. Clearly, you have absorbed so much of what “Earth school” has to offer.