October 29, 2023 – 5 years later

Happy Anniversary my prince!

Oct 29, 2023

The past three weeks have been needed as part of an ongoing process to permit myself to create some space and once again allow time to listen to, and then share, what this heart and soul has reflected on.

A deeper recognition arrived - that returning to remember, and recall, October 29th will never stop. To have experienced the marriage to my “prince” on that day in 1984 and then to have said goodbye on the same day 34 years later seems to have turned it into a “stamped in eternity” date for this human-suited earth-school traveller. Both events are “Perfectly on Time” in their respective ways and of course, both are never to be forgotten.

For those who have been following my meanderings and musings this past year, it will be lovely if you walk with me as I take a slightly longer backward journey in this post - to recall and share the full-on wonder and joy we experienced on October 29, 1984. But first just a little bit of pre-date history.

The Beginning of Our Soul Agreement

I met Donald James Thom on May 9, 1981 – a “blind date” neither of us wanted to go on. Perhaps the universe conspired with those mutual friends - tugging, pulling, pushing and cajoling to finally agree that “four friends going out for dinner” could be an acceptable way to spend an evening. HA!

I wonder how long that expression about “having 20/20 vision in hindsight” has been around? Now, over 42 years later, that “vision” has exploded into a deep, pulsating, knowing that the universe, great creator, source, angels, guides (whatever word(s) might describe the unexplainable) was/were at play.

What didn’t have much impact at the beginning of that evening was the initial meet and greet – OR – the dinner itself – OR – the conversation. What DID have a life-changing impact was the dance.

Even today when I sit still, and allow the memory to resurface, my heart starts to race and pound and there’s this most lovely sensation of being engulfed in the same energy that was present that night as the dance began. For sure, “magical” might be a partial description but it needs to be added to a list - a list that includes mystical, enchanting, astonishing, breathtaking, exquisite.

Readers in my age bracket may recall the days of swing, jive, and big bands. You may also remember that different geographical locations often practiced different “routines” or “ways” of doing the dance. Don and I were from separate provinces and several years apart in age. Based on those two factors alone we should never have been able to dance together – but we did. When he took my hand, led me to that dance floor and the music began we stepped out into a jive routine that seemed to have been embedded in our very souls. We did not miss a single beat, turn, or spin and in those absolutely “Perfectly on Time” moments, I had no idea that the “story” we had agreed to come here to share was about to begin.

October 29, 1984 – That Hawaiian Wedding

And there we were – almost 3 ½ years after that “unbelievable” (one of Don’s favourite expressions) blind date. In that tropical paradise to attend a convention with a group of friends, we had taken the idea/possibility with us of – “let’s see what unfolds and IF there are no big hurdles to jump through (because we were Canadians) maybe we’ll get married while we’re there.”

And here’s how that part of our “story” played out.

Rings – had been designed and created before we left home.
Marriage license granted in Honolulu on October 22nd to the tune of US $8.00 (such a deal).
Minister/Pastor/Officiator - left in the hands of locals we met at the convention who assured us they had the perfect person for the job.
Dress code… LOL. Hawaiian of course.
Location and time - to be determined.

8:00 am October 29th, Rev. Claude DuTeil called to confirm that two people were visiting the island who would like to get married. When asking if we had a location in mind Don let him know we were in Waikiki. Naturally, the universe smiled and provided the option of Rev. DuTiel’s Chapel in the Reef Towers just a few blocks from where we were staying. After agreeing that 1:00 p.m. would be perfect we:

Called two people (our matron of honour and best man-to-be) and they called two people and they called two people. Pretty sure you know how that works.
Ran down to one of the local flower stands and arranged for leis and garlands.
Arrived at the Chapel and exchanged vows in the presence of those dear friends.
Skipped our way over to the Big Band Tea Dance held at the Royal Hawaiian every Monday afternoon.

A suggestion was raised later - might it have been me asking Don to get married? After all, it WAS a leap year. In later years Don used to joke around and tell people not to get married in a tropical paradise because your wife will want to go back every year for the anniversary. AND we were gifted to be able to do that several times.

There is absolutely no requirement to watch the slide show I built some time ago but, if you’re interested the link is here. It will always fill my heart and make me smile because it was such a joyous time that somehow unfolded without any real plan.

Between then and October 29, 2018

If you had asked me about this “story” 5, 10, 15 years into the marriage I know it would not have reflected what I see today. It has become very clear to me that a life of experience equals a life of change and that includes how memories are recalled and/or perceived. There may be some who think I look through “rose-coloured glasses” when talking about our journey. I choose to consider that I look through the eyes of my heart and soul with a newfound deep and sensitive understanding about these two people who were presented with life on life’s terms - to do with as we did. Sometimes we might have done a bit better - sometimes we did exceptionally well. ALWAYS, underneath it all, was and remains, an eternal soul connection.

Through the gift of our mutual recovery programs, we discovered that a lot of our BS (belief systems) were due for some serious overhauls. That meant there were “Perfectly on Time” moments when required changes felt like we were riding 20-foot waves. But, over the years, we embraced a relatively consistent approach of “uncovering, discovering and discarding” character traits that really served no useful purpose and certainly didn’t serve any “greater good”. The list of human frailties is long. In all our human-suited imperfections we did our best to embrace a spiritual approach to our lives and while perfection was never attained, progress most definitely occurred – over time and with practice.

As I see it today, our “soul agreements” and how they were experienced, lived, and walked through, by each of us, were “Perfectly on Time” and then forever changed on that final day. I use the word changed because I often feel as though Don is still right here beside me, watching, listening, and still loving me unconditionally. When I have my favourite music playing in the background and can hear Louis Armstrong singing It’s a Wonderful World I get transported back in time and my heart fills with gratitude for the fairy-tale we were gifted to share.

Time to Cross That Rainbow Bridge

On October 25, 2018, Don had an accident that left him with multiple skull fractures and an extensive brain bleed. The prognosis that surgery could not be considered because of age and pre-existing conditions plus our DNR wishes led to the protocol of keeping him as comfortable as possible.

Family and friends came to say their goodbyes over the following four days, and I was not alone in witnessing what seemed to be strange and unusual behaviours when considering there was an element of critical brain damage at play.

My last post included the “dime story” but there were numerous other “Perfectly on Time” moments when Don did things that flew in the face of brain bleeds and fractured skulls. Things like opening his eyes and saying “Hi - what are you doing here?” Or, throwing out a cheeky one-liner he was famous for. Or, as some of his favourite music was being played, making the moves of a “conductor” with his hands. And, finally, the last ones he spoke were with his youngest son and wife who had been in Las Vegas. They arrived on the morning of the 29^th and when Keith said, “Hey Dad” Don said, “Hi there - how was Vegas?” followed by an admonition to Tina to be quiet because she was being too loud.

I asked the Drs more than once if he might be able to survive this, particularly because of those moments of such cognitive clarity. Their response was… “No, but we also don’t have all the answers”.

At 4 pm our time which would have been 1 pm Hawaii time (the same time we were being married 34 years earlier) this most beautiful rainbow appeared outside the window of his room. And my heart told me he was starting his transition of crossing over the rainbow bridge to begin his next greatest story. I do believe I felt his spirit leave later that night with a subsequent deep and strong knowing that we had no regrets - that although we may not have known what our soul agreements were, they had been fulfilled and completed for this particular lifetime.

October 29, 2023 – Where to from here?

This writing is in no way complete. Only angels and spirit guides could present a full “life” review or a 37-year “relationship” review and that would be in another realm or dimension where time isn’t linear. But I want to say how grateful I am to have listened these past five years, to the prods and nudges to consider a very large list of “what ifs” that have offered new ideas to consider and at the same time re-open my heart. Because you see, that heart has been pretty closed off. If nothing else has become apparent this past year the need/want/desire to reconnect and engage with others didn’t disappear - it just got a little buried for a while. I’ve been surrounded by a generous and loving support network of family and friends for a very long time. It’s my strong sense of independence and self-sufficiency plus the inability to ask for help that can stand in the way of connecting.

I know I’m going to “blink” and another day, week, month, and year will come and go. Another quick turn around the sun will likely surprise me one more time and the “story” may well be continuing. For now, a shift of some sort seems to be taking place. There’s this idea of “giving myself permission”? Not sure exactly what that’s about but a piece of it involves a question. “Am I willing and able to extend the same consideration/courtesy/encouragement to myself that I would extend to a friend going through a similar experience?

I may try it on for size. Transitions from we to me, and back to we (family & friends), have uncovered an extension to this “story” with so much to still be discovered, experienced and explored.

For now, though, world dance, ballet, tap dance and writing are to be continued. The soul and heart healing that has occurred through those four practices is significant and provide reasons to remain “Perfectly on Time”.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for subscribing. Thank you for allowing me to go at this thing in my own way.