Changing the view
Time has a way of softening mine
It’s been a while so greetings to everyone stopping by to read and/or engage and/or subscribe and/or….share. :-)
In one way, these past months have come and gone in a “blink”. In another way, it has been an extended period of more introspection and reflection. Always “Perfectly on Time”!
Recognizing the level of seriousness and intensity of the persona attached to this human-suit doesn’t fill me with unbounded joy and laughter. I’ve often wished I could be lighter, more humorous, and fun-loving. And while those moments have at times been part of my “story” this deep heart and soul need to explore “what might be next” has again taken on a surge of energy leading me one more time into that ”uncover, discover and discard” process.
Last fall I posted 5 Years Later. And, suddenly snippets and moments of clarity have arrived through a different frame of mind. One being that there were fragments of the “grieving” and, “healing” process unfolding at the same time. Unexpectedly another recent “Perfectly on Time” experience has been understanding and accepting the importance of “letting go”. So, here I stand, one more time, becoming willing to take those next faltering steps to move into whatever the next phase of the unfolding “story” might look like.
I’ve referred to living my “story” for some time now but feel the need to reiterate that it’s just my way of viewing this day-to-day journey – along with always being “Perfectly on Time”. I have no expectation or desire for anyone else to play in my sandbox. A driving force, in what now feels like another lifetime, was to try and convince you to agree with me, jump on my bandwagon and charge forward to make everyone else understand how right we all were. Today I’m grateful for that one small change of view.
As our world continues to present the billions of unfolding “stories” and as our media continues to drag us into multiple states of fear, discouragement and disappointment the universe began a poke and prod process. Something about “Changing my view” and over these past months, I’ve been led toward a surplus of “words that embrace new ideas”. There has been much to give me “pause”. My wish is that what arrives for you to read in this post may offer a few new ideas and give your heart and soul a little boost.
Pause #1 – David Michie - Six-week Meditation Challenge [Feb2024]
Pause #2 – Jeannie Ewing I Grow Strong Again – Thank you Jeannie for continuing to reach into my heart and soul. You offer new depths of understanding and compassion that are genuinely appreciated by this Crone. And Felicity’s recent story speaks volumes.
Pause #3 – Dee Rambeau – “walking the walk” and sharing sincere encouragement and real-life experiences with other “somewhat same story travellers”.
Pause #4 – Janice Walton Empowering Yourself – [Jul2024] Thank you, Janice – While I acknowledge that I cannot begin to “know your whole story” I’m grateful to be connected to you through your writing.
This means facing and overcoming, rather than avoiding, fears about getting older, compassionately greeting our older selves, carving out action plans for our best possible future, and making peace with life itself.
Pause #5: Whole Brain Living (Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor)
Dr. Jill entered my world through Suzanne Giesemann’s podcast titled Whole Brain Living - A Better Connection with Spirit! (Parts 1 & 2)
Those podcasts led me to listen to Dr. Jill’s TED Talk also available on YouTube and titled Stroke of Insight - Jill Bolte Taylor
Which then led me to buy her book Whole Brain Living. Fascinating, insightful, encouraging, and understandable. What resulted (from my perspective)? It should be required reading (IMHO). Her introduction to the “Four Characters” residing in our brains has led me into a state of quieting of the “monkey mind” I’ve never experienced before. It is such a relief and such a gift!
Pause #6: The Anxious Generation (Jonathan Haidt) – the smart phone connection to isolation, mental-health, suicide, and addiction and recommended as another mandatory read/listen (IMHO). If for no other reason than to seriously and honestly look at the example I may be setting for all the other human-suits I engage with – particularly my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
What does taking a “pause” even mean in my world today? Dr. Jill writes and talks about the “90 Second Rule” and her “words” have opened a scientific door:
“Once the circuit is stimulated and we have triggered an emotional response, it takes less than 90 seconds for the chemistry of that emotion to flood through us and then flush completely out of our bloodstream.” [Bolte Taylor, Jill. Whole Brain Living (p. 7). Hay House. Kindle Edition.]
and seem to parallel a spiritual “pause” I undertake to practice:
“As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.” [Inc, A.A. World Services. Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition (p. 46). A.A. World Services, Inc.. Kindle Edition.]
You may be wondering why all this fuss about taking a “pause”. Not to worry. Sometimes I too wonder about all the fuss! But for me, here’s the why and how of it fits into “Changing the View”.
IF I can remain cognitive and present enough
to stop long enough to take that “pause”
when a volatile and dramatic exchange is unfolding
might I change my mind, consider my options and consciously choose to reframe my response?
I was gifted with this plaque by work colleagues some years back. It speaks to what I’m trying to present - at least in part.
And, while none of this is unique or unusual another level of awareness pulled some memories to the forefront while reading Dr. Jill’s words describing Characters 1, 2, 3 and 4. Yes – you’re going to have to get the book… LOL.
I have grandchildren now at the age I was when my first marriage dissolved and the next part of my own “story” was about to be presented. A more recent conversation with a family member allowed me to suggest we always have options to revisit the perceptions/behaviours/attitudes that play out in dysfunctional dynamics (both old and new).
I didn’t do a good job of hiding my hurt and anger, pointing fingers and laying blame for all that went wrong in that first marriage. But here’s the gift. All these years later, through a willingness to consider “Changing the view”, I’m better able to
remove my cloak of martyrdom and victimhood and
consider replacing an old idea with a new idea and
amend that dysfunctional dynamic story.
I have no way of knowing if sharing these ideas and views is of any value to others. What I DO know is that when when I take the time to put words down in black and white and/or speak them out loud something shifts. A kind of softening seems to evolve that feels good and right.
Suddenly there appear to be multiple levels attached to growing up which may include being willing, as an elder, to acknowledge I have room for improvement.
Question to myself: Might I step beyond an old “victimhood” mentality to forge a new relationship with someone I’ve sat in judgment on, based on the “story” that was told to me by another victim?
By taking the pause, changing my mind/view, and recognizing that I can’t come close to knowing or understanding your “story” might I then see this beautiful option to open my heart and come from a place of forgiveness, understanding, empathy and compassion. On the other side is that saddest of dynamics – the one that excludes the possibility of a meaningful connection and coming to know another part of the entire “story”.
Some clarity has arrived around defining what fits and what may now be discarded from a heart and soul perspective. Chasing “shiny and new” ideas has revealed that they aren’t necessarily “shiny and new”. Rather, a new comprehension of the words that are used, sometimes makes an idea appear to be “shiny and new”.
MIGHT I BE GIFTED WITH “CHANGING THE VIEW” IF I TAKE THAT PAUSE?
I know I’m not alone in trying to find some kind of balance between mental, physical and spiritual practices. Falling into a state of overwhelm isn’t difficult if I’m not paying attention to who, what, where, when and how. Johan Hari was instrumental in my initial foray into this world of “blogging” because I too was feeling somehow caught up in the social media platforms. Jonathan Haidt has added to those concerns and this musing is allowing me to give deeper thought for myself and hopefully spark a moment of consideration for other earth school travellers.
Life is short as evidenced by arriving into what I refer to as the “Fourth Quarter” in what feels like a “blink in time”. Perhaps it’s just part of the aging process but I really am looking for some peace, serenity and gentleness in this last phase. All of that has led me to continue to muse, meander and fit some “new ideas” into my “Perfectly on Time” experiences.
Gifts to myself
Absolute minimal mainstream media. I am capable of researching and finding an authentic information source that provides an objective representation of what’s unfolding in the world around me.
Social media - no Twitter, Snap Chat, Instagram and whatever else may be out there. Family notifications on FB and the very occasional drop into Linked In. I’m well aware of “addiction” and it doesn’t just show up in alcohol and drugs. It has the potential to side-swipe me in multiple areas and I cannot find value in engaging in mindless scrolling.
Writing – Although not consistent or recent I’m still connected here at Substack because there are people I resonate with and enjoy reading. However, I have also turned off notifications - not just for Substack but for most apps and messaging.
Electronic Devices (iPhone; iPad; laptop; computer) – working toward creating a “window” each day to read and respond to phone or text messages and emails. My phone is often turned to silent. I can’t help but recall the days of only having one phone and it was a landline. Surprisingly we survived.
Meditation Practice. Making a significant difference - not only in how I can walk into the day but also how my day then unfolds.
AND - please do feel free to ……
This is so beautifully written, and packed with potentially life-altering reflections. Thank you for all your wisdom, and the podcast and book recommendations!
So good to see you have written recently Marilyn. As always, your words are thoughtful and beautifully written, providing much to contemplate!