Living Well - Dying Well

Hello beautiful souls – I love that you are taking time to stop in and visit.  Please know that the posts are entirely about my own experiences, perceptions, learnings and un-learnings and are in no way authoritative directions about anything. Instead, what appears here is what I have come to view as part of a heart-healing process related to my “soul story”. I’m finding it incredibly interesting that the older I get the less I know.

Author’s Photo: Another Loop Around The Sun

Janice Walton of Aging Well News fame recently posted A Conversation About Aging Well that struck more than one cord and at the same time has led me to this current musing. I had started writing this possible post the morning of September 27^th. I was preparing to go to an appointment, followed by dance class, followed by a drive to New Westminster. The purpose of that drive was to sit with my family and birth-mother who had opted to utilize Canada’s medical assistance in dying (MAID) law as a way to exit her earth-school journey.

Adoption Reunion

On July 3, 1996, I was working with a group of executives in Vancouver, BC and was just preparing to step into a board meeting when a call came through that I let go to voice mail. I have total recall of that day. I was not going to bother calling back because I didn’t recognize the name and thought it was probably a sales/marketing outreach plus it was a really busy day. But then some nudge, some intuitive prod led me to place the call. “Perfectly on Time”? When I asked to speak with the caller this is what I heard:

“I’m calling to see if you have any interest in meeting your birth family”.

I envisage most readers would have responded pretty much as I did with a stunned “pardon me” because it was almost surreal. When my mom (adoptive) had passed in 1992 I did file papers to open the door to make a connection if one was presented. However, it was with anticipation that IF there was to be a connection made it would be through a mediator/third-party arrangement.

We didn’t talk for long. Phone numbers were exchanged and we agreed to connect again later that evening. To say emotions ran high is an understatement. I landed in my colleague’s office, burst into tears, and it took some time for the shock to begin to subside. Then, one more time, some nudge, some intuitive prod led me to go and open our Yellow Pages and look under the heading Adoption. The first line read Adoption Reunion Registry and I called. That particular “Perfectly on Time” moment landed me in the kind and thoughtful hands of a man who very quickly listed the approach to be taken.

• You are NOT going to go and meet them for coffee

• You do NOT know for certain that you are the person they are looking for

• You CAN call them and suggest you exchange some letters and photos

• Photos are worth a thousand words

• IF it is determined that you are who they are looking for and IF you wish to then proceed our office will facilitate the first meeting

So, there we were, meeting for the first time on Aug 12, 1996, and a new phase of my “soul agreement and story” began to unfold. Caveat here! At that time, I had not entertained this idea of “soul agreements” and coming here to live a “story” (isn’t hindsight interesting) but today I’m so very glad that’s where I’ve now arrived. The practice of incorporating principles made available through a 12-step recovery program has also given me a way to embrace what has taken place with a deep level of understanding and gratitude.

And in a blink we said goodbye

Another quarter of a century (plus) later this Crone / Wise Woman (in training) / human-suited, earth-school traveler was able to sit with that beautiful soul, my half-sister and her husband. Stories were told. A few laughs were heard. Hands were held. Kisses on a forehead were undertaken. As the time for the procedure approached we all saw very clearly how at peace she was and how ready to take that last breath and begin the next phase of her own journey to whatever realm we move into.

Shirley, who had her 93^rd birthday this past May, had walked through several years of health issues with the most recent resulting in an emergency colostomy surgery. She was tired. She was ready to be done and we were able to let her go. Of course, there’s an element of sadness. Of course, we will continue to shed tears. Of course, the grieving and loss process will continue. However, at the same time we are grateful that she was able to “run her own show” and make a decision that was not only right for her but also allowed for a certain level of grace and dignity.

My own preference is to think of that transitioning as “watching her walk across a rainbow bridge” to be greeted with the most incredible light, love and reunion with family and friends. It was what I “felt” when I sat with my Donald James and a rainbow presented outside his hospital window at exactly the same time and day we had been married in Hawaii 34 years prior.

Author’s Photo - Don’s Rainbow

As I first began writing this post back on September 27^th there was naturally a large influx of mixed emotions rolling up to the surface, so I took a bit of time to use my mantra of being “Perfectly on Time”. As I was doing that it crossed my mind that this mantra has truly become MINE. Not with the idea of having exclusive rights to, or ownership of some type – anyone wanting to embrace the idea is most welcome to do so. Rather it has become MINE in the sense that it has landed into the very center of my being, like this gift of knowing, understanding and acceptance all rolled into one.

The “soul story” of my birth mother and whatever agreements we may have made when planning to visit the earth-school AGAIN is not entirely for me to know. However, the part we have played in each other’s stories IS for me to look at and reflect on and consider. Over time, I expect I will see more clearly things that I could have done differently and at the same time as I was writing that morning (during my writing practice) it suddenly felt as though I could be as kind, compassionate and forgiving to myself as I would be to a friend if that friend was preparing to walk through the same experience.

I recently watched a YouTube event between Suzanne Giesemann and Alex Ferrari who has a podcast titled Next Level Soul. It spoke to much of what I try to write about and in truth much of what I write about is simply an expression of all these things I’ve been learning these past years. No real NEW ideas and thoughts but so much is relatable to my own story. As though I’m being led to a much broader and deeper sense of – or maybe acceptance of – other human-suits and the fact that each of us is truly just living a “story”. Alex referred to believing and not believing in all of this esoteric “stuff” and at the end of it suggested he'd rather go with the idea of “what if” instead of “absolutely not”. Some food for thought in there.

That image of “walking across the rainbow bridge” gives me a sense of comfort. Isn’t it lovely to consider that the one who is passing is stepping into another realm finally free of pain, discomfort, anxiety and all of those “human” physical, mental and emotional cloaks that we are given to wear when we come to the earth-school? On the surface it seems that some have agreed to suffer more than others. But based on my further consideration of soul agreements and having AGREED to come here to live out this story I’ve decided there’s no reason to try and figure out the WHY because my little “i” can in no way know the entire story. Instead, perhaps the intention is to simply go back with more love that I was given to come here with.

So I close out on this one with recognition that nothing in here is new, unique, unusual or some kind of one-off. My hope would be that another heart & soul may gain even a small element of “Perfectly on Time” awareness as a way to keep walking through their own story.