Isolation or cocooning?
In addition to following writers on Substack, I found myself dipping back into The Shift Network, Humanity’s Team, Suzanne Giesemann and Michael Sandler’s Inspire Nation interviews this past week. With so many wonderful readings and audio/visuals crossing my path there unfurled a “Perfectly on Time” over-abundance of rabbit holes to run down. So, hand in hand with Alice, the universe encouraged me/us to take a somewhat deeper dive into a re-evaluation of the words isolation and cocooning.
Prue made a reference to “…silkworms spinning their fine cocoons” which has nothing to do with my re-evaluation – or – perhaps it does simply because the word suddenly raised a new possibility for me to think on and share with you.
It seems I’ve become a proponent of the idea that my occupation of this human-suit, to experience a life journey in this earth-school, involves an agreement made with “my guide tribe” (and many others) while previously occupying energetic space in another realm.
There! I’ve put that down in black and white for whoever decides to read this.
I was given this definition of insanity a number of years ago: “When we keep doing the same things over and over expecting different results”. Just wanted you all to know I’m not really insane … I just keep trying DIFFERENT things while continuing to practice giving up expectations…LOL
A snippet of a 37-year Interlude
October 29th will be the 39th wedding anniversary date for my best friend/soul-mate and me plus the 5th anniversary of his passing. Today, I see significance in his “exit date” being the same as our “entrance date” into marriage. It suits me to consider that, somewhere along the way, we agreed to be together in our respective stories. Perhaps to heal past karma and at the same time – as Suzanne Giesemann presents in one of her meditations – “take back more love than what we were given to come here with”.
A dear friend recently suggested: Joy and grief can intertwine -coexist at the same time – seems to be the case as I write and reflect.
In 1981 the marriage to my high-school sweetheart disintegrated. Both of us were battling demons we didn’t understand and the possibility of somehow reconciling and making it all work was not about to unfold. Alcoholism was a big contributor. Neither one of us understood anything about addiction and had absolutely no concept of considering that each of us was playing a part in what was progressing. Was this relationship also part of a “soul agreement”? That idea echo’s a certain truth today because that 20/20 hindsight vision (mine alone) so clearly shows that we each needed to have all of the “Perfectly on Time” experiences presented in order to continue our respective journeys. As these words appear on this page there’s a sudden overwhelming heartache and at the same time a sense of understanding and acceptance. That may sound strange but there it is.
I had a good friend who used to say to me… “Marilyn, you don’t have to be Wonder Woman in her tin t*t bra you know. And I would shake my head in confusion because it seemed I was only doing what most women raised in my particular era did. All of it naturally! An invitation to go out on a blind date had been refused by this one repeatedly. Finally in hopes of stopping the invitations I agreed, thinking that it would be one night out for dinner, and we could put it away and continue working three jobs and wearing the Wonder Woman mantle.
Of course, that’s not quite what happened. What DID happen (always and forever this stuff comes forward in hindsight) was taking steps to a dance floor, hand in hand with this “soul-mate” who at that moment was still just a “blind date” and the magic began. The magic began because the dance felt like something we had been doing together for a lifetime and it turned out we both absolutely loved dancing – particularly swing/jive.
This is also where the idea of past lives and having an agreement to share a story comes into play. Not front of mind at that time but certainly has appeared at front of mind these past five years. Why? Well …
1. there was a significant age difference between the prince and the princess
2. One was from British Columbia and one from Alberta
3. The “jive” steps were typically quite different between both provinces AND age groups
4. BUT….we danced together and never missed a single step or beat and today I’m thoroughly convinced we did all of that together in another life.
Next up…
Arrive in Hawaii to attend a convention in 1984 with the idea that we “might” get married on the island if circumstances provided the opportunity. Yep… the universe conspired and more magic unfolded. In the company of a large group of friends those wedding vows were exchanged on October 29, 1984 and the story continued for 34 years to the day.
Perhaps one day that “story” will find it’s way to being written about - it truly is/was a shared journey of experiences - all of them flying across a spectrum from mountaintop awe and joy to gut-wrenching heartache and pain with most everything in-between. Life on life’s terms. For now though the deeper understanding and recognition of my “Perfectly on Time” mantra is what this writer continues to hang on to.
Another snippet - the past five years
1. Year One. Wonder Woman stepped forward to continue working, being stalwart, maintained a stiff upper lip and did all that needed to be done after losing a spouse.
2. Year Two. Tough beyond compare with no realization or preparation for how difficult and painful the process would be (+ the new isolation factor due to the pandemic).
3. Year Three. Probably bordering on depression – certainly questioning what on earth is supposed to happen now and struggling to find a reason to be here (+ further isolation).
4. Year Four. A continuation of year three, with a slight lessening of the heartache but now trying to figure out how to move out of that isolation and find a way to begin some kind of life without that prince.
5. Year Five. There are still moments of overwhelm and shedding of tears BUT the mantra of “Perfectly on Time” has stood me in good stead because it now seems there’s this new “light at the end of the tunnel”. A light that has opened and presented the newer explorations of writing and dance. I’ve realized OR perhaps I am coming to realize that allowing the words that push through via my heart/soul space provides an element of healing that I can’t even define. What does seem to take place is a kind of settling of emotions which then results in a slight reduction of the intensity surrounding the grieving/loss process. Always “Perfectly on Time” doesn’t mean the grieving/loss process suddenly stops – rather that there’s a kind of quietness that evolves (in some of those moments) followed by recognition that my mind has somehow subsided into another newer routine of moving forward with the day.
FINALLY - Cocooning
As I’ve been following
and these past weeks and months my own heart and soul have resonated with them repeatedly. Living this life and experiencing our respective stories really doesn’t happen in isolation (Thank you Ramona for continually reminding me that I’m not alone). Rather it appears to happen within family, community, engagement with friends and connecting with others who might be considered “friends we haven’t yet met in person”.I include here a comment I added to one of Ramona’s recent posts because, at this moment, it seems to tie into this idea of cocooning.
…coming from the era I grew up in there remain multiple perceptions, expectations, and responses and behaviours that come into play – not only when I decide to write but also when I speak. It’s a continual opportunity for this Crone to be mindful (considering others) but at the same time authentic (considering myself) and in the moment be wise enough or brave enough to write/speak from that heart/soul space that somehow offers an element of healing that cannot be described or defined. Healing for all involved if we’re open to considering we stand in the shoes of the teacher or the student.
Although not new thoughts, a recent conversation further reminded this writer that:
1. I cannot undertake to “wear” the energies that are out there crashing around and trying to rule the world through war, fear, anxiety and multiple other negatives.
2. I have absolutely no doubt that I COULD step in to “fix” and “run” and “rule” the day (in some situations) because Wonder Woman still lives not too far below the surface, and it would be very easy and natural to step into that persona that would fit like an old friend.
3. I will most certainly cause harm to others and myself if I fall into either #1 or #2
Therefore, I will continue to use my mantra AND at times will give myself permission to just go and “cocoon”, if even only for an afternoon nap.
Because I don’t see your face, or hear your voice I cannot transmit to you my own visual/vocal appreciation for your kindness at taking some minutes to read the writing that often seems to come from some other level of consciousness. Please know how much I appreciate you being here.
Hi Marilyn. I’m in my 4th year of widowhood and your words about your past 4 years fit me like a glove. Last year I was advised by my soul energy guides to “lay low and wait - she knows there’s a next phase but isn’t quite sure what it is and there’s lots of time”. It was a relief to hear because I haven’t been ready to come out of my cocoon. But I’m beginning to feel restless and am hoping to be ready to move forward with my life next year and find my “light at the end of the tunnel”. Thank you for validation and a bit of hope.
Hi Marilyn, I was particularly struck with your words about the past five years - it seems to describe what has been true for me so far. The first two years I was busy taking care of business and figuring out who I was. I just hit the third year - and there is a level of depression. I think it's the finality of Dan's not being here. OAN - thanks so much for mentioning me in your article.