Am I in a Time Warp?

There’s a somewhat surreal element to have suddenly moved into the month of May. I often hear my mom’s voice lamenting about “how fast time is going by” and realize that I sound exactly like her. I also admit a bit too much “squirrel cage time” results in becoming overly concerned with this business of aging. Memory suggests that super-hero Octogenarians were rare – now it seems they are becoming the norm and we’re moving toward super-hero Centenarians.

The Travel Event

These past two weeks since completing a work-related event, held at a most beautiful location in Ohio, have been full. The role I occupy at Wellcoaches Corporation includes what I’ve come to describe as “mental gymnastics” and over the years a couple of nicknames have evolved…Master Snoop and IT Wise Woman.

Do any of you remember back in the day when flow charts were used to identify processes that we wanted to implement and establish as “workflows”? In some respects, that’s what I do but there’s a small caveat. Everything today is based on technology and with that comes not only a requirement, but also an expectation on the part of users, to put all the puzzle pieces together and create a seamless and effortless automated experience. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? When I asked my son how he would describe what I do he suggested I could call myself a Systems Analysis and Design Engineer. Quite a lofty title for a curious, self-taught, learned, Crone.

Of course, this is NOT a one-person endeavour and I’m gifted to work with a most spectacular team.

So, when I walked through my door after a 26+ hour travel day it was evident that the “child within” who continues to insist that “Girls can do anything” has absolutely no concept / understanding / acceptance or appreciation that this human-suit has altered and shifted.

The next day was NOT greeted with excitement, enthusiasm, or expectations of joyous adventure hunting. Rather, it was much more about mental, physical, and even spiritual exhaustion which of course leads to overwhelm.

And then the question about the time warp arose.

Are we in some kind of “time warp” and time really IS speeding up (somehow tied into moving from 3^rd to 4^th to 5^th dimensions) – OR – is it just that my earth-school journey, having entered the Crone / 4^th quarter phase, seems to have arrived without warning? Might that be the cause of this focus on what feels like a new reality about:

• what’s left;

• what’s already gone by; and

• is there time left to figure it all out (whatever “all” equates to).

I did a quick Google search on this idea of “time passing by so quickly” and merrily travelled down the comments trail of a Harvard University Blog.

My own reflection?

• I have a shelf life.

• When my exit day arrives, I will exit.

• Until then what do I want to do with my “Perfectly on Time“ moments?

And suddenly this never-ending bucketful of memories starts running through my mind like some kind of holographic presentation and displaying “what it used to be like”. Follow that with some rather hard to swallow newer realities (still always “Perfectly on Time”). The current 4th quarter truths somewhat in conflict with the 2nd quarter memories, and even more startling that the shadow voice/inner critic continues to nag about doing life bigger, better, more. And there we have it I suppose. One more opportunity to practice that “pause”, take that step back and take another breath or 1000 to ultimately settle into that place of gratitude that DOES sit at the core of my soul.

Time Warp or no….I’d like to finish this small post

As I sit here keyboarding these random thoughts, I have a YouTube Coffee Jazz channel playing in the background. There’s something about the music that seems to have a calming effect on my soul and helps to dissipate the sometimes-distracting chatter that can be playing out via my “shadow voice”.

As I explore Substack and tap into other posts, notes, and comments there’s an awareness of how my “shadow voice” can really play havoc – in truth I’m not even sure why I’m here except there has been encouragement and welcoming engagement with others who truly are “writers”. At this stage it may be more plausible to identify myself as a “wannabe”.

In my own experience tiredness and overwhelm are not conducive to writing. While I may encounter reflective moments that result in a few new ideas the actual writing process seems to unfold best when I’m rested, have taken some quiet time to settle and then just allow that “flow” to begin.

Next comes creeping perfectionism, an expression shared with me by a mentor and wordsmith I worked with for a number of years. I cannot lay claim to being someone who receives profound “downloads” that can pretty much go to press. There is typically much editing that takes place after that initial transmission:

• from whatever source may be present in the moments;

• that provides content to pass through my fingers and reach the keyboard; and

• ends with the black and white written words that appear on the monitor.

And, then as I re-read all those words it strikes me that this CAN actually be my own process [leave judgement to others] and just concede that it’s the one that works for me at this time. Perhaps it will morph into something else. Perhaps there is an unexpected level of confidence waiting to rise to the surface. For now, it feels almost illusory to have even come this far.

Before, during and after all of this, my mantra pops in and out and then the one most magical moment of KNOWING that I’m “Perfectly on Time” arrives, and all is right in my world.

What caught my attention recently?

Last week I received a Substack Reads notification and listened to the podcast between Hamish McKenzie and Robert Reich. I mention it here because there were some bits and pieces that resonated with me – particularly about bullying and the impact of technology and social media on our children. From the very small seat I occupy in the universe it does seem we are in a strange and unusual world…. my hope always is that while we may not clearly see the biggest picture perhaps at another level all is unfolding in divine order.

Then I watched a lovely "Nature of Things" documentary about honeybees. Fascinating and a beautiful presentation with continuing evidence about how magical Mother Nature is.

Janice Walton recently posted about Self-Trust and Ramona Grigg about “…Still Not Home” and I found myself compelled to respond. I love the way they have formatted their Substack sites and created such a fun, caring and encouraging environment.

I haven’t “quite” retired… not just yet… working toward that. So, while it would be lovely to just sit and explore and read all of the Substack posts and notes that are available at this time I must remain mindful of the number of hours in each day and the fact that this Crone doesn’t have quite the same level of energy as her 2nd generation counterpart had.

I expect it’s time for the me to drop back into an intuitive and trusting space to consider what might come next.